Realizations

I have been thinking lately about how my mind works. Let me start by saying that my mind is a frightening and confusing place, much like a labyrinth built by drunken clowns. So generally, I prefer to sail on blissfully oblivious about how I manage to get through each day relatively unscathed. So why have I been thinking about it? Well, two things happened.

One, I went to the FoMM retreat (which was amazing!) and took part in Molly Remer's session on Birth Art. I have had moments of artistic capability that I am proud of, but I can not harness that creativity at will. I only create art that I would show to anyone else when I am depressed. Unfortunately/fortunately I have been quite stable for several years and have not been able to create anything worthwhile. Molly guided us in decorating a birth goddess that should have been wonderfully stimulating, particularly considering the fantastically rejuvenating environment. It was disappointing for me though as I couldn't get a feel for how my goddess should look. So I have this feeling of duality where I want to be creative, but not at the cost of my stable mental health.

The other thing was much different. I was at work and quite busy. I needed about five things from the cooler and liquor room. I knew exactly what I needed, but when Doug asked for my list, I went blank (annoying him terribly) and couldn't tell him. It bothered me a little after work when I had time to think about why. It turns out that, as far as I can tell, I think in pictures, not words. I had in my mind what supplies I needed to pick up, but hadn't bothered to put words to the pictures. This explains why when I need something, I usually hold up the empty bottle instead of asking for it by name, I subconsciously assume that everyone thinks my way. There are benefits to this style; it makes me a great editor, for instance. When I open a page of a book or website, typos jump off the page at me before I even start to read because they don't look like any picture of a word I have ever seen. Also, when I am transferring new contacts to the FoMM database I frequently type without really reading the words, my fingers just type how the words look and know if they are wrong without ever having to know what they say. This comes in handy too when playing the shower game or taking parts of IQ tests where it is necessary to memorize objects and then recall them as long as I just look at the items and don't try to put words to them.

So, what does this all mean? Not a thing really, but it is interesting sometimes to get to know myself better.